wickedmusery

gnawing feeling
from the inside out
something in me is starving
the dull, constant ache
says something is wrong
but not what that something is

daydreams of relief
as I lie in my bed
paralyzed by my own mind

warm, soothing comfort
soft caresses, affection

hot, fiery passion
screams and release

which of these two
would be the antidote
to this empty void in my center?

lying in my bed
paralyzed by my own mind
I will never know
for I will seek nothing
to soothe my pain

the only companion I will allow
to dwell with me here
is this feeling
gnawing from the inside out

hands reach for me
but all I see are blurs
words call out to me
but all I hear is noise
arms enfold me
but all I feel is weight
burdening me
so heavy

I think they may be seeking
some sort of connection
but the part of me
that forges such bonds
lies dormant, somewhere
comatose
tucked away somewhere safe
so safe
that even I don't know where to find it

as it grows old alone
so will I
steeped in this love
surrounded by it
still, I feel nothing

words come tumbling out
notes hanging on the air
I have heard the lyrics and melody many times
but each time I sing it is just as vivid
as the time before

the sentiments hang on my lips
as if I were speaking them myself
not some story that belongs to someone else
but the very thoughts plucked from my mind
each in line with the perfect chord
to carry it from my soul to your ear

and you will feel touched
as if I wrote it for you
I sang it for you, after all
I meant it for you
imagined you as it poured out from me
breathed you in as I gasped for air
between each delicious line
hoped, during the silence after the final note
that it touched you
I meant it for you
this song of someone else's.

eyes flutter open
mind is empty
no dreams to take my breath
only darkness and silence
sadness at what might have been
relief at what was not
steely preparation for today
already longing again for sleep

eyes flutter open
distant memory of a dream
leaves me breathless
clothes ripped away by trembling hands
long, purring sighs
wicked smiles
gasps of ecstasy
screams echoing in the far corners of my mind
empty bed in waking world
leaves hunger pangs
a sweet, dull ache
and secret smile
as I remember